FIRST ENCOUNTERS

Meeting S.!

Dating has always been a serious commitment for me as I always felt that the person I was with would some day become my wife. Ever since my second girlfriend, I had closed myself off to really opening up and sharing. When I entered University, I dated one or two girls but the relationship always ended quickly and I began to feel it was not worth it. In fact, I decided that I would stop looking and just concentrate on my studies. However, when all hope had gone I looked up from my work in a tutorial one day and spied the most beautiful girl. I could not take my eyes off her and I tried to hide my glances. It was S. sitting so quiet and angelic, her wonderful smile and beautiful hair, lips and eyes had me dumbstruck. I thought to myself that I would only be able to admire her from afar since a beautiful girl like that had to have a boyfriend. Therefore, I decided to admire from afar and if possible sneak a chat here and there.

I would look at this graceful woman walking into the library and walking across campus. I got to know a few of her friends and in the process learned that S. needed some books I had. Now I had a large selection of history books which I never lent because I was fearful of losing them, but I just knew I could trust S. with them. So in lending my books to her I got my chance to talk to S., whose voice I remember was so sexy and warming that it melted my heart. I remember getting butterflies in my stomach and being unable to finish my words, which was an effort. Then one day while in the Library I ran into a friend of S's who had just come from where she was sitting, I just could not keep it in and I blurted out that I really liked her and that was one of the reasons I was lending her my books. G. was excited and I found out there and then that she was single, I know G. went back to tell her, from then things began to change.

I had decided that I would pursue this very slowly, if at all, since I had been messed up so many times before by girls and I did not want to put my all into it and if I did S. might not feel the same. I know the next time I spoke to S. there was a difference, one of attraction, and I looked into S. eyes to see how serious she was. I did feel the attraction, it became very easy to talk to S., and I expressed how I felt on more than one occasion. Talking about our dreams and what we wanted in a mate was so similar, I liked the feeling of no rushing and it did take a long time before I even held her hand. I really thought that S. was a fragile flower and I did not want to damage her in any way. Coming to the University for class was exciting since I now had a reason to do so. Spending time with S. felt like a holiday, a dream and I liked that I could sit and listen to her talk all day. S. had the most beautiful eyes, ones you could get lost in. Her hair was long and wavy just the way I liked it and her body was small and I wanted so many times to hold her and envelop her, but I had to restrain myself.

I found it easy to let my guard down and I began to tell her how I felt. I did not want to have sex before I got married, I did not smoke or drink, I could cook and I spoke of my scary mother in case one day S. would have to meet her. After a few months, I began to hold S's hand. I remember sitting once at a lunch table on campus and touching her finger and feeling spasms running along my spine. It was a wonderful feeling especially since I had not felt that way since D. I started to skip and jump and I really began to feel again. I wondered if there was hope that this would develop into a life-long relationship. I felt honoured when she told me about herself, her dreams, her hopes, her fears and about her family. I wanted this girl more than I wanted any I had dated before.

My friends however behaved oddly when it came to S. They would tell me to be careful that S. was too forceful and rushing things. I remember M. my best friend at the time questioning me on whether I was ready for a commitment and if I was serious about her. Others like C. and S. would wonder if she would fit in with the crowd and my family. In all cases, I told them that their fears were unwarranted and that S. was not rushing and she would fit in because she was like me. I began to speak about S. to my mom and grandparents and the response seemed to me very good. However, I was always mindful that my mother never approved of the girls I chose and the rest did not really care once it did not embarrass them. I do admit that there were times when I did choose my friends over S. and I know I was being selfish, especially when I chose to lime with M. rather than S., which really got S. upset since it really looked like I preferred M. than her. I had realized that M. was very obsessive about our friendship and did not like to share me with even my girlfriend. Other times I would lime with S. or C. instead of S believing that loyalty to them was more important, but honestly when I think of it I was more loyal and true than they were. I did feel guilty since S. was far more a true friend than anyone I had known before, but I did not do anything about it.

As our relationship bloomed, I really knew inside that this was the girl I was waiting for. I felt so at ease and relaxed. With S., all my problems went away and she was kind, loving, a friend and more. I was the type of person who liked giving gifts and flowers and I loved giving S. beautiful flowers. My first gift was a pair of earrings which I picked out with the help of my mother, but when I gave it to S. and I told her how my mom helped she got upset. I do understand since they were really not chosen by me but from a dominering mother who tried to take control of our relationship. The question really was who was dating S.? I felt that I had ruined my chances. When my grandfather died I remembered how S. wanted to come, all through the funeral I was looking out for her and I was saddened by the fact that she could not make it. It was just after this that I asked S. on our first date, it was the movie Forest Gump and I was nervous. I vaguely remembered her meeting my brother during this period and I know he liked her but his face really showed jealousy. I picked her up where she stayed near the University, a place mind you that never allowed boys to enter the gate. I waited for her outside and when she came out she looked so beautiful and I escorted her to the car and we were on our way. We went to a drive in movie and just before the end of the movie, I began to cry, I had not cried for my grandfather and I just let out my feelings of loss. It was the first time I had ever cried with a girl and I did not feel bad about it since S. made me feel so at home and wanted. After the show we traveled to a lookout by the sea where we had our first kiss. I was a bit nervious more because I did not want anyone to catch us especially my brother. The kiss was magical since S. lips were so soft and warm. I felt as though we were attached to each other and I know up to this day I still remember it. I felt all warm inside and I wanted to get more of her, and as for her mouth well let's just say she tasted great. After that kiss I dropped her home and when I left, I felt on cloud nine.

Around this time, (I believe around December), I also met members of her family at a Chinese restaurant. S. and J. were getting married and they wanted to meet me, it was a good night and I enjoyed the company, S. specially. From this one date I knew that I liked S.'s family and I could fit in. Then it was off to meet S.'s mom. I traveled to San Fernando where S. lived and when I reached, I was scared like hell. I know we had a date and that I tried my best to hide in the couch so no one would get at me. M. S.'s mom was very nice and made me feel comfortable and I left feeling as if I was accepted to an extent. At University I pulled S. aside and asked her to go steady with me and her reply was that she thought we were already. When my grandmother died 6 months after my grandfather, S. came to the funeral and all I could think about was her, it was so overwhelming and I liked only thinking of her.

I knew the next step was to bring her home to meet my mother, to me that was the true test since like it or not I wanted her approval. I am not too clear of the particular date but after really telling her about my mom she was really brave to want to meet her and I felt proud and honoured to be with a wonderful girl who dared to stand up to my mothers scrutiny. I was surprised at how well my mother took to S. and I wondered what the game was. For me the true test came when my mother asked me to invite S. on a trip to the islands, where they had a guesthouse. Yet, my mother had also invited a number of aunts and a friend of mine, C. I asked S. and I just felt her hesitation since I had explained to her how horrible my mother was and what to expect. When I took S. "Down the Islands" I was pleasantly surprised since for the next two days my mother took to her as well as my brother. They both told me S. was a nice girl and compared to the rest a real gem. I know my dad liked her because he talked to her more often than he talked to the girls I had brought home in the past. The only moment I did not like was when they spoke about not rushing into marriage and just dating, which seemed to me a message that they were not going to approve that.

With this approval, I felt even more relaxed, we started to visit each other and spend the weekend. When I visited S. I would sleep in her room while she slept with her mom and when she visited me, I would sleep on the floor while she slept in my bed. While this remained the same when I visited her at her home, my mom allowed both of us to take naps in the same bed. S. and I would spend a lot of time on the phone talking and we would write love notes and letters to each other. Each contained the deepest sentiments of love and affection and to this date we keep them in boxes. When S. came to visit, I would worry about her until she came, especially if she had to travel. When we graduated, we did it together and when her cousins were getting married, we went together. I loved being with S. and I felt proud she was at my side, what made it worth while was her wonderful smile and happiness when she saw me and I knew both of us felt wanted and needed. After graduation, I had to work on the North Coast and spend a whole two years away from her and I got very depressed. I would spend my nights thinking of S and what I could be doing at that moment with her. I would walk for 20 minutes to the nearest payphone to call her and just hear her voice and when my phone card ran out I would cry.

I knew from the time apart that I could not live without S. and I really wanted to marry this girl from South. We had discussed it when we were down the islands and I knew that she felt the same, but convincing our parents would be another hurdle. I had become brave enough in my relationship with S. to speak to my mom about us since I felt that my mom liked S. When I told C. that I wanted to get engaged and then wait a year to get married she just sat in the dark and never looked at me. All she said was ok and I left feeling very unsure of the future. I did not feel the same when S. and I told M. S.'s Mom.

I will leave off here for another post on our preparations for marriage and the problems, which we had.