THOUGHTS AND MORE THOUGHTS

THINKING AND THINKING

My thoughts are very mixed these days and if I had started a new post yesterday I would be at a loss to what I should say. Money has been very tight up to this point and I was really wondering if life was really worth it. I know I would serve God till the day I die and this is a truth with me. The situation my family and I were in is one where our money was down to zip/ zero and I was wondering if after all that S. and I went through that it would be money that causes us to split. I know that there are many marriages that break up because of economic burdens and many say that love is not enough to get through basic survival. I agree with this 100 %, but I do believe that if God is with you then all the suffering would be worth it in the end when He comes through.

Its hard for many to be so positive when they are up to the last length of hair in debt but for my wife and I it is true, we serve a great God and one who comes through. He does not lie or make promises he can't meet because he is God.

So work starts in a few weeks and I had hoped that the holiday was going to be a bit more relaxing but One day it will, I count on it. I have really been enjoying my wife and kids these last few weeks and really seeing them for the great people they are. God has given me a great blessing and I am happy. There are many areas in my life that I am overcoming, because they are really a hinderance to my growth in God and my family.

You know i was thinking today that life could really be very depressing when you don't have that special One above with you. I know that I would have commited suicide a long time ago if I had rejected God and walked away from that voice that was really guiding me to Him.

What ever happens in the future I know that I will never reject God, even if I lose everything. This is not a long post since I don't have too many things to say. I really wait upon God to lead my discussions and if I try to do it myself it really does not make sense.

So I am doing a lot of thinking these days, a lot about the future and my life.

OUR OWN HOME

"SEPARATION FROM PARENTS & NOT RENTING"

Before I got married I remember reading and hearing a lot of couples giving advice on not living with your in-laws. Yet, in Trinidad there are so many families that traditionally start their first few years of marriage with either the wife's parents or the husband's parents. All seemed well enough and horror stories of that famous "evil mother-in-law" was few and far between. I was also given the advice of saving money and buying my own home, many begged me not to rent because it was going to be a loss. Now this is all well and good, however when circumstances are such that you don't have the support of parents reality is far different.

S. And I had saved some money before we got married and as such we were looking for ways to further save money to have enough for a good nest egg. After we got married by parents had converted a store room into a bedroom for us, it was a nice gesture but we were naive to think it was in our best interest. At first it worked well we would spend time there and then go out, but it became very uncomfortable especially since the washing room was next to our room and our parents were right there when we wanted to be intermit. We had to whisper when we wanted to have a private conversation, but what was worse was the attempts by my mother to control our life. C. would tell us how to spend our money, how to shop and when to have children. It was starting to feel like we were under scrutiny for nearly everything. (Aug 1st 2006)

I was thinking today that I had not continued this post for nearly 2 week. Life has become so hectic these days that my thoughts are elsewhere. So, its now 16th August and I really should finish this post before I forget a lot of what I was thinking in the first place. However, not tonight, in fact this is a little note to remind me to finish, that's all. So I will sign out for now and continue when I have gotten a chance. (16th August 2006)

Well I did not think I was going to take so long to write my next post, I believe it has a lot to do with the fact that most of what I have wanted to say I have said already. So I will finish this train of thought and then I will see where God has me go from here. Mine you my wife and I have been under some serious attack of late especially since we have decided to serve God and stay together.

So where did I stop from the last time I wrote or yes interference from parents. Well things came to a head when my wife and I could not even make a move in the house. It became so uncomfortable that we had to move or else our marriage would not last. The mistake we made was to accept the invitation to stay in my mother-in-laws home. Things were ok for a while when we moved out of my parents home and into S's mom's house. However, when she moved back in as well M. as I will call her began to order us around and to criticize everything we did and said. Arguments broke out and worse pressures were brought to bear on us from M. It was frustrating since who could not say anything since we felt obligated. Feeling trapped we looked for an opportunity to leave, desperate we took the cheapest house we could find without even investigating the house or land-lady.

I tell you this as advice, never rent and try your best to get your own home and land. Our Land-Lady from hell made us feel responsible for her house, wanted us to pay for all the repairs and raised the rent 3 times on us. It became so bad that she was inspecting the house constantly and invading our privacy. She had become worse that our parents combined. Mind you there were reasons why God had us in this position and we have learned a lot from the experience. So I am just writing this to say be aware of where you live after getting married.