THE END IS NEAR

LAST POST "MAY BE"?

I have written my life in a nut-shell and I really don't have much to say anymore. I have been reading my posts and checking to see if there are any comments but that's it. So I may write off and on or when the wind blows, or when God sends me but at the moment I have nothing more to say.

I am in the middle of life, serving God and caring for my family. I love them dearly and my focus is here. Writing blogs and posting has been very healing and uplifting and I must say was a great help in my life.

So I hope that even a small bit of my life helps people and if it does not well its out there for people to read at least.

In everything God guides us and I can say that because I learnt it myself. I dedicate this and everything I have written here to my wife, children and those I love.

I especially thank God for never giving up on me and taking me where I did not want to go. Without Him I know I would be dead today.

Best Wishes to all

Daniel Gethyn

CRIME IN T&T

VIOLENCE AND AGGRESSION

I was wondering this morning why it was the country I live in is becoming so unfriendly and uncaring. The people at work are so unhappy and unkind to each other and the customers are so aggressive and rude you would wonder if they were taught manners and values. In fact I wonder if they were all dragged up. But what struck me, and down right primitive, was the scene I witnessed at the Gas Station last night.

I was waiting for the cashier to take my money for a coca cola I was buying when I heard 3 loud thuds, when I looked up the security guard was holding the head of an old man and slamming it into the glass windows of the Quick Shop. People started to react and some ran out to intervene, others began a conversation that the man did not deserve that and how could anyone do that to a old man.

I shook my head and wondered, but I recognized that a lot of people have no brotherly love in them, they are reactionary and creatures of emotions. From work to this Gas Station people no longer care about others, survival of the fittest sets in. I bought my coke and left and when I reached home I related my ordeal to my wife. I looked at my family and I wanted to protect them to shield them from the horrors outside the walls of our home.

The thing is only God can keep us safe and I don't need to protect them as God is doing everything, that does not mean I am going to be careless but trusting God and having faith takes all the fear away. S what I experienced yesterday is just one more stage in the degradation of society and the world, its interesting that the more we become civilized the more primitive we become.

For the last week I have been speaking my mind, in the past I would bottle things up and never make a comment but I have been really bold of late. Now God's wonderful hand is in everything and I thank him for making me brave and bold. Today while every thing was crazy I was making myself happy and laughing, which made my day much better. I really believe that laughter is the best medicine.

RELIGION

MY CATHOLIC UPBRINGING
In a past post I spoke about being born into a very staunch Catholic family and how this really messed up my life. Here I want to talk a little about my perceptions and experiences in the Catholic Church. I will probably be condemned for what I write but I really don't care what people think, it's what God thinks that matters.

I was always a very curious child and I was very much interested in furthering my understanding about the Catholic Church. As I grew older I began to question a lot of things which I did not understand and when people could not answer they usually noted that "God made things to be a Mystery" and that "we should not question God or the church". I still wondered why this was so and if God was so loving why could we not ask our Daddy to explain things to us.

I loved to read and my great-grandmother had a huge family Bible that had some really great pictures, this I picked up every time I visited and read all the great stories and the life of Jesus Christ. It was my reading "God Word" that made me feel that my relationship with the Catholic Church was in conflict. I, of course, went into denial; I was being a bad Christian to dare question the religion I grew up in.

So I decided to dive right into my faith and study it. As I grew into my teens I joined a number of Catholic Youth Groups and even became a lay minister reading on the pulpit every Sunday, but something in me said that this was all wrong and I needed to look deeper. I did not have to look far since my observations were certainly showing me that there were glaring black dots on the church I belonged to. I recognized from reading the Bible that God made it quite clear that praying to others including the dead was a waste of time since the only mediator between us and God is Jesus Christ. Of course I was told that we did not pray to dead people but we "asked the dead to intercede on our behalf". Also we did not pray to idol statues they were just representations of the people. But things got more contradictory since no where in the Bible did God say there was a purgatory, since even Jesus in his parable of the rich man and Lazarus noted two major things, one, that there was a gulf separating heaven and hell and that no one was able to intercede or communicate with the dead and the living.

This really showed me that something was really wrong and when I approached the priest in my area I got one hell of a chastisement and yet I still did not get a proper explanation. I just put it down to misunderstanding and I even began thinking when I had reached the age of 19 to become a priest. I began to be counseled by a priest in North Trinidad and I was truly interested and wanted to further my life in service to God. However, I was being pulled in another direction since I wanted to have a family.

So I decided to go to University and it was here that I began to read more about the history of the church and what I learned was a church bent on world domination and intolerant of anyone and anything. They certainly did not represent Christ on Earth. The murders, rapes, perversion and wars were bad enough but the conspiracies, the inquisitions and political intrigue was to much. But closer to home what I observed was certainly not the church Jesus spoke about.

First off there is no where in the Bible that God tells his people to confess their sins to the priests of the land and I wondered why it was we should. The usual answer was that the priest interceded and prayed for us. I wondered if God was deaf or was he so far off that he could not hear us directly. I knew that God was all around us and that confessing our sins to him was far better and more comforting than to a priest. I hated Confession especially telling a mere mortal my dark secrets that only God knew and should be told,even putting aside the fact that, many times, I went to confession the priest would fall asleep or just dispense with a set of penance which usually meant a set of hail Mary's and one Our Father. On a few occasions, the priest told me he committed the same sins and not to worry about it, this included masturbation and having homosexual thoughts.

The priests I grew up with were certainly not models of piety or representative of Jesus Christ. Many I knew seriously talked about people behind their backs, smoke, drank and lied. I also knew a few that repeated people's confessions and laughed at them. There was many a mass where the priest would fall asleep or forget what he was going to say, certainly not divinely inspired, especially when he put the whole congregation to sleep.

When I began to truly be aware of the many wrongs, and I know now that God was calling me out of that corrupt system, I tried for a time to see if I could make a difference from within. However this was a mistake since priests and brothers in the church felt I was mad, possessed and troubled.

I have no regrets about leaving; in fact, when I look at the priest that works with me, I am determined more than ever never to turn back and turn into a pillar of salt. This individual who represents God on earth lies about so many things that he spins the most beautiful webs. He also borrows things without asking and is so racist that he openly declares his dislike for certain races. Many Catholics on staff know about him and still confess their sins to him and he in turn spills all as well as speaks about them in the worst way.

Yesterday, I heard the most interesting thing from a Catholic worker, he noted that people like me who left the church were weak and that we allowed every and anything to pull us away from the true church. I must say I am glad that I got pulled away from that religion, which is certainly man made. I also still hear the promise made by people that "once a Catholic always a Catholic, that I will one day be back", well all I can say to that is they have an eternity to wait.

AND THE GROUND SHOOK . . . . . . .

EARTHQUAKE AND AFTERSHOCK

This morning I went to work, not really wanting to even get out of bed this morning. I felt it would be the usual day with fellow employees and employers bickering and fighting over the most mundane things. I had a scheduled meeting with a number of the general public around 9 am, but I was busy and missed the start of it. However at 9:08 am while in a discussion with 7 underlings the room began to move or in this case sway, now I am coming down with the cold and I thought that I was getting a dizzy spell but then everyone around me began to run, it was then I realized that an earthquake was in progress. (6.1 magnitude quake, 23 miles nothwest of Trinidad)

The first thing I thought was weather my wife and children were OK and weather the house they were in was going to stand since it was already cracking because of earth shifting. I knew at the same moment that God was going to always be there to protect us and I did not worry anymore about it. I did step outside and was about to call when my wife called at the same time, I felt relief and pangs of wanting to leave work and hug my wife and children. Interestingly enough I was not scared nor did I panic since I felt deep down inside that everything was going to be OK and all of this was due to God.

It was interesting to see the room move, the wall sway and the light fixtures move as though someone was on a swing. The people I was with opened their eyes so wide that I thought they were going to pop out and some did get white as sheets. Outside I heard screaming and some people began to run in panic, my boss did try to calm the situation but when dealing with people who could not even think it was a difficult task. After calling my wife and the reassurance that the four of us were OK I went back to work. Of course there was the usual analyses of the event and discussions on what to do and what not to do.

News cane to us that we should expect an aftershock and at 2:23 pm we did have a strong jolt measuring 5.3. Even though it was not as strong as the first, it did feel as though it lasted longer, I again called my wife and found out that all was well. The usual chatter ensued and people were wondering if this was not a warning from God. At 7 pm the local news reported that many buildings had minor damage and one person fell from a later and died, luckerly not more destruction occurred especially with such a magnitude earthquake.

The thing is warning or not, just knowing that God is there in your life, really makes a person feel secure in knowing that they don't have to worry or panic about anything.

MY JOB AND COUNTRY

WORK AND POLITICS

Today I went to the beach with my wife and children, this event is always one that makes me so proud and honoured to be alive. However, I took some time to look at the rest of society and wonder what has gone wrong. Now, I am not one to condemn or complain since I have made some great mistakes in my life and still continue ever so often to do so. The thing is people, and I mean most of my fellow citizens, have really lost that human touch - what I mean is we as a people no longer aspire to that wonderful and humbling name people give to us, that being a friendly and warm people.

I used to believe that everyone I met growing up were nice people and I used to look for the good things in them while overlooking the bad. I was really naive since most people are not very nice and your most trusted friend today might be your worst enemy tomorrow. The most selfish acts I saw at the beach today ranged from ill-mannered people to down right rude behaviour. So have we lost our compassion and humanity? I would like to say yes.

I have been back to work for nearly a month now and I find it very hard to relate to anyone working with me. Most of the time they find themselves involved in the most serious of conversations, but these revolve around another colleague. There are those who bicker, back-stab and those who just love gossip and story-telling. What makes my blood boil however is the constant hypocrisy, especially when those who talk about others do the same thing themselves. I am a bit tired of all of it and want to change jobs.

For the time being I try to stay to myself and do my work but between the type of employees I have to deal with and my colleagues, I don't know which is worse. One thing is for sure I am getting really tired and feel that my job is draining me like a Vampire. Yet, I stay and make the best of it because I always turn to God for that support.

The other side of the difficulties of life is the state of the country. You ever wonder where immature children who have never grown up turn up? Well, they become politicians and, worse yet, they become the leaders of a country. I don't ever get involved in politics far less my country's politics. I may discuss it with my wife or people at work but usually I keep it to myself.

However, in the last few years the economic situation has gotten harder with children at the top making decisions and playing with people's lives. No one ever asks God what he wants for his people, they make grand decisons and policies and force all to accept. What is the result? no democracy, white elephants, increase in inflation, poor health facilities, increased industry causing pollution and of course my favourite, more houses and stadiums while food prices sky rocket.

That's all I want to say about that, maybe it will change and maybe it won't but one thing I have noticed is that no one really cares about their fellow man nor do they care to just take a second to talk to God about anything.

So those are my ramblings for tonight, I was going to write about my behavoiur of late but I will leave that for another time.

By the way, "Happy Republic Day" to all my fellow Trinbagonians !!!!!!!!!!!

PERCEPTION OF RACE

IS RACE AND MONEY THE SAME?

I am back out to work now and boy do I wish I was on holiday again. Its hard to say but I don't know which saps my energy more, the tropical sun or my employees. I get up at a very early hour and drag myself to work knowing full well that I would be on my feet for about 6 hours. Anyway its been getting better and talking to God when it becomes really unbearable helps.

So, your wondering about the title of this post, well of late too many people have been pointing out my race and its been getting very annoying. About 3 months ago my wife and I were cutting some trees in the yard of our very demanding and pain inducing landlady from hell when a number of people passed by seeking a job to cut the trees. I told them that if I had money that I would gladly give them a job. I went on to say that because I had no money I was doing it myself and the reply was that "YOU WHITE AND YOU ALWAYS HAVE MONEY". Now this perception occurs to much in my society and it is one that really gets to me. I have never associated the colour of my skin or for that matter anyone's colour with money.

I know that people would say that this is a perception rooted in slavery, where the planter was seen as the one controlling the fourtunes, but I am not a planter nor am I holding foutunes in my hand. I am just a hard working, God fearing family man. I have mentioned before that people are always associating one thing or other to race and it just confirms to me how narrow minded and ignorant people are.

Thats all I want to say for now.

THOUGHTS AND MORE THOUGHTS

THINKING AND THINKING

My thoughts are very mixed these days and if I had started a new post yesterday I would be at a loss to what I should say. Money has been very tight up to this point and I was really wondering if life was really worth it. I know I would serve God till the day I die and this is a truth with me. The situation my family and I were in is one where our money was down to zip/ zero and I was wondering if after all that S. and I went through that it would be money that causes us to split. I know that there are many marriages that break up because of economic burdens and many say that love is not enough to get through basic survival. I agree with this 100 %, but I do believe that if God is with you then all the suffering would be worth it in the end when He comes through.

Its hard for many to be so positive when they are up to the last length of hair in debt but for my wife and I it is true, we serve a great God and one who comes through. He does not lie or make promises he can't meet because he is God.

So work starts in a few weeks and I had hoped that the holiday was going to be a bit more relaxing but One day it will, I count on it. I have really been enjoying my wife and kids these last few weeks and really seeing them for the great people they are. God has given me a great blessing and I am happy. There are many areas in my life that I am overcoming, because they are really a hinderance to my growth in God and my family.

You know i was thinking today that life could really be very depressing when you don't have that special One above with you. I know that I would have commited suicide a long time ago if I had rejected God and walked away from that voice that was really guiding me to Him.

What ever happens in the future I know that I will never reject God, even if I lose everything. This is not a long post since I don't have too many things to say. I really wait upon God to lead my discussions and if I try to do it myself it really does not make sense.

So I am doing a lot of thinking these days, a lot about the future and my life.